Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Deviate delight?

As everyone does from time to time, I went through a rather quiet period not so long ago. Whilst my adventuring was on hold for a short while I thought I might explore some of the other delights that Azeroth has to offer an inquisitive warlock such as myself.

A friend of mine is a very fine cook and managed to acquire a rare recipe known as Deviate Delight. Rumour has it that those who feast upon this dish will find themselves under the influence of a most powerful glamour spell.

Now, whilst I am deeply proud of my Gnomishness I do occasionally tire of the constant jokes and jibes about my height and general size, as I believe I have mentioned before. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be the size of a human. To possess a shape and proportion I could only dream off. To be nearly tall enough to look my fellow adventurers, especially Aggrion in the eyes! Well, you don't get to be a great Warlock without some mad scientific experiments and of course the engineer in me found the whole concept fascinating!

I petitioned said friend and she kindly cooked up a batch of piping hot Deviate Delights for me.
I happened to be in Stormwind at the time and decided to take myself off to the relative quiet of the Mage Quarter to conduct my initial tasting of this strange fare. I must confess to being quite nervous about trying out this food, with any potion that promises glamour there are bound to be side effects, and just because this dish smelt divine and looked delicious, in no way guaranteed its safety! However, I am a scientist and thus I took a deep a breath and took a bite.

For a good while I felt no different. I actually began to believe that the experiment had failed and that this was a bad batch. Then, as I raised my hands to take another bite I noticed the fingers were longer and slimmer than before. Looking down I noticed my clothes had changed. I was no longer wearing my usual robes, but instead an extremely low cut pirate shirt. And of course I couldn't help but notice that I had good reason for wearing such a revealing outfit!

Excitably I stood to try and get a better look of myself. I was, for all who cared to look, a pirate! "Arrrrrrr me hearties!" I cried, laughing to myself as one of the locals took a detour to avoid crossing my path, eyeing me nervously.

I tried to dance the Hornpipe, but found I just danced the Macarena. Still it's quite a fun dance. And made a change from my usual moves. What would Aggrion think of the new me? Would he be able to look me in the eyes ;) Considering this I sought out a mirror, wanting to get a closer look at look. Finally finding one I nearly cried. Surely a face only a mother could love!? What was I to do? I couldn't go to Outlands looking like this!!! Where were my beautiful green eyes, my cute face? I'd even welcome back my shaggy brown hair! Anything but this ugly mug....

I calmed myself. "Think Ary, think..." then almost unconsciously my hand came to rest on an antidote, kindly prepared for me by my friend. Sighing in deep relief I took a swig and held my breath....

One, long, minute, later I felt a tingling sensation all over and when I looked down I was back to my normal self again. Not quite feeling out of the woods yet I ran into the nearest shop and scared the poor serving girl half to death with demands that she describe me and requests for assurances that I was not, indeed, wearing a pirates hat! "No, no! You're a gnome! Honestly! Please do not hurt me...." she cried, desperately trying to back away from the small whirlwind I had evidently become. Finally I took her word for it and gave her a few coins and a health stone as an attempt at apology for my strange behaviour. I left the shop, still shaking, and vowed never to try the Deviate Delight again!

But....I am a curious gnome. And a few days later the now thoroughly cold, but surprisingly fresh, dish, locked away in my bank vault, was attracting my attention more and more. I reasoned with myself that no true experimentalist would allow one bad experience to knock them from their path. If things go wrong I should pick myself up and try again. This motto had gotten me through my life so far, why should I give up now. And for vanity of all things! I was not so vain that I would let a mere pirate related disaster stop me from exploring the unknown, surely!? What was I? A Gnome or a Succubus!?

This time I decided to see if being in my home city of Ironforge would bring better luck. Retreating to the security of the Forlorn Caverns I found a darkened corner in which to try, once again, the Deviate (for sure) Delight (hmmm). Nervously I took a bite and another and another, as I finished the whole dish I concluded that perhaps it wouldn't work when cold. I could barely contain the involuntary sigh of relief as I realised that I was spared another ordeal without having to back out of important experimentation!

Feeling slightly warm and in need of some fresh air I wandered out through the City gates into the crisp early morning. As I walked I started to feel a little light headed, my breathing felt stifled, almost as if.....raising my hand I felt a scarf around my face....a scarf!? What on earth!? I looked down to see my now human form was clad head to toe in supple black leather. I was, not a pirate but an assassin. And an attractive looking one at that!

Well now, this was a great improvement on my previous experience and I have to say I spent a long while trying out my new self. I quite enjoyed the looks I got from the passing male humans and Nelfs and danced the Macarena with glee. The human cheering is not nearly as nice as my Gnomish cheer, but I loved the jumping. Humans sit so neatly and move so gracefully. It was definitely an experience worth waiting for.

I couldn't wait to share it with Aggrion! I wasted no time, fearful that the spell would leave before I reached Honor Hold where he was currently abiding. My Felsteed was a little nervy at first, but soon recognised my scent and soothing tones and allowed me to ride her, grumbling only a little at the added weight. Racing against the clock we finally made it through the Dark Portal and mounted a Gryphon to take us to the outpost town.

The creature landed and I rushed to the doorway of the Inn, excited to see Aggrion's reaction, I walked around the corner. He was sitting at a table with a mug of ale, he glanced up briefly as I entered the room, but not recognising me, returned to gazing into the fire. I paused. Suddenly aware of what I was doing. Did I really believe that my appearance was so important? Did I really feel that I had to change myself so much for someone? I was a Gnome Warlock, not a human assassin, and proud of it!

Smiling to myself I stepped back around the corner, took a sip of the antidote and waited to return to my true form. As I did I took a deep breath and rounded the corner greeting Aggrion with a bright "Hi!". He looked up from his ale and smiled back, waving me over to join him. I climbed on an empty chair and settled down next to him, sighing as I too gazed on the flickering flames. Absently I patted the remaining Deviate Delight, wrapped carefully in my pocket, sure that one day it would come in handy. But not today.

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